But as parents' influence on marital choices becomes greater, many marriages that began as speed blind dates are crumbling, and the divorce rate continue to climb. So who should be blamed?

For centuries, arranged marriages were the main way of tying the knot in China. This feudal practice created a great deal of misery, with women the principal victims. One of the achievements of New China after 1949 was to discourage arranged marriages. Marital freedom was held up as a lofty goal and many people refused to compromise about it.

So it is both sad and ironic that today many young people prefer to surrender romance for an apartment. They know what love is, but the dour realism of their parents weighs more heavily, especially in today's modern competitive society.

So how to recognize a suitable mate? The answers are depressingly similar. I suppose my Mom, Auntie Wang and other mothers all carry the same checklist. Their future son- or daughter-in-law must have a reasonable educational level, a reasonably good career and a steady income. A job with a government agency, public institution, or State-owned bank gets bonus points. ?

There are thousands of people like Kathie and me. We feel we can wait a few years before we get married, even though we are at the "marrying age." But our parents think the opposite, especially when there are so many sheng nan and sheng nü (men and women who have passed the average marriage age but are still single) "on the market."

The coming Spring Festival is bound to be another busy season for blind dating and buying apartments. Let's hope all that frenetic activity produces some happy couples, and not just a whirlwind of matchmaking.

The author is a reporter with the Global Times. yujincui@globaltimes.com.cn