The common admonition among parents is "Don't let your child lose at the starting line of life's race." Even if they want a happy childhood for their child, the pressure is too great.

Today children are always on their way to class, in class, taking after-school classes, doing homework, and taking enrichment and advanced classes on weekends and on holidays.

It is common to see children on the back of a bicycle or in a car going to after-school classes in English, "Olympic" mathematics, Chinese, swimming, tennis, piano and many other subjects.

Parents put all their hopes and unfulfilled dreams on the shoulders of their only child.

Shanghai Daily spoke with three mothers - an extreme tiger, an ambivalent tiger and a pussycat.

Tiger mom

"I don't think there is anything wrong with this kind of education," says Sherry Li, who has a 10-year-old daughter.

Li is married to a Japanese engineer who mostly works in Japan. Li works for a Japanese company in Shanghai.

Her daughter's schedule is packed, terribly packed.

"Besides homework, she now studies English, mathematics, Japanese, tennis and piano in her spare time," says her mother. Training started when she was only three.

"Don't talk to me about the freedom of a child," Li says.

"If I leave her with free time, it would be a waste. She would play computer games or watch television, and that would be no good for her future. So I take over all her spare time," she explains.

"I bet the competition in the future will be much more ferocious than we expect. It's better to be prepared. The more skills and knowledge she grasps, the more likely she will be able to get opportunities ahead of her peers."

Her approach is a sharp contrast with the Chinese saying, "raising a son in a tough way while raising a daughter gently."

Most Chinese believe that men undertake more social and family responsibilities than women, so boys need to be trained to be tough and that methods should be stricter.

"I don't agree, since there will be no gender differences in the future," says Li.

"I don't want my daughter to find a man to rely on when she grows up. She should be independent and strong. Some of my friends joke that I am grooming my daughter to marry a rich man's son or the son of a powerful leader. They are totally wrong. I am not training a perfect wife for others."

Li firmly believes that the excellence achieved by children by the age of 12 is the direct result of their parents' effort.

"I can tell you, the IQ of each child is almost the same," she asserts.

"It is better to spoon-feed them the information and knowledge as early as possible."

Now she feels vindicated.

Her daughter is studying at the Shanghai Experimental Primary School in Pudong New Area, one of the city's top schools and famous for cramming 12 years of education into 10 years.

Ambivalent tiger

Rebecca Shi, who has a 12-year-old son, is overwhelmed by the amount of work Li demands of her daughter.

"I cannot sacrifice my time the way she has sacrificed hers," Shi says. "I doubt this approach is good for every child."

Her son goes to a school that supports "happy education," meaning less homework and more fun. "But when I see some of his peers learning lots of extra things, I get a bit concerned," she confesses.

"Maybe I'm not a devoted mother, but I can't convince myself to waste my spare time sending or taking him to different classes after school."

But her son is still studying English, mathematics and chess after school.

"I used to tell myself I would give my boy a childhood, but now I don't have the nerve to continue when I see what other parents are doing. I would be ashamed in front of my son's classmate who can play good tennis, play the flute well and speak perfect English."