We were told many tourists who visited Dali did not want to leave. And rather than taking hundreds of pictures and getting excited about the scenery, they simply wanted to walk, relax, soak up the ambience and "live.'' The whole city is "restful,'' filled with cozy coffee houses, book bars, book stores, CD stores, other small stores and vendors selling trinkets you don't need but feel compelled to buy.

Our first lunch was in a small Westernized pizza house on Foreigners Street, and we sat outdoors to enjoy the sunshine. It was probably the only obviously commercial part of the city and reminded us of other typical tourist spots.

We were constantly approached by old ladies in ethnic dress - dark blue dress, red kerchief, silver accessories - trying to sell silver jewelry and handicrafts: "You want to buy some accessories, beautiful ones? Try it on, you will love it," they would say.

Although wearing traditional local dress, the old ladies are not all native Dali people. Locals say some came from nearby Sichuan Province, which has five ethnic groups.

Since we showed no signs of buying, one old lady shifted her attention to three Australian youngsters at the next table. The kids loved it when the old lady tried the silver accessories on their hair and she hospitably took them to her home to examine more silverware.

The Australian parents showed no signs of concern for the welfare of their children and felt relaxed enough to sit and chat with us.

They only started to look for their kids after 15 minutes when they had finished their lunch. Fortunately, it only cost them 40 yuan (US$5.7) for a small necklace to get the kids free of the old lady.

All kinds of snacks fill the city where the plums are especially famous. You can get homemade plum wine in almost every bar on the Foreigners Street while fried chicken skin, baked milk and roasted beef stomach are all very yummy.

One pizza house was especially impressive, established 20 years ago by a traveling Italian who taught the local owner how to cook pizza. The owner has also blended in local flavors to produce some interesting creations. The pizza house has two branches on the same street, both with comfortable sofas and delicious pizza.

To better understand the authentic essence of Dali, we went looking for some Bai-style architecture called Gui Yuan Ju, named after the 100-year-old sweet scented osmanthus in the yard.

We found a house - now a guesthouse - built during the Qing Dynasty (1644-1911) featuring three rooms on each side and a screen wall facing the main gate. It strictly followed the ethnic architectural style - four sides with three rooms and one screen wall, four groups of rooms and five yards.

This particular house had survived an earthquake in the 1970s and a double bedroom per night cost just 50 yuan.

For our four days in Dali, we slept in that tranquil room, waking each morning to the crowing of roosters.

The family who owned the house told us the yard would be filled with the scent of osmanthus in August. It has operated as a guesthouse since the early 1990s when it was opened as one of the first guesthouses in the Ancient City.

Our second day was spent sightseeing around Erhai Lake. Following bumpy roads, we passed through the small town of Xizhou, known for a kind of softly baked cakes called Xizhou baba.

A very special custom in Xizhou - and also some other parts of Dali - is that, contrary to many parts of the world, women are the dominant member of the family.

Women are not only in charge of all the work at home including cooking, house-keeping and raising children, but also responsible for farm work.

Men pretty much follow the orders of their women all the time. But when not required it is not unusual to find them playing poker cards and mahjong with friends, virtually every day.