The data that I obtained from a random sample of women in Beijing in 1994 show that no matter what the extent or the frequency of violence was, husbands hit their wives in 21.3 percent of couples. In about 1 percent of these couples, the husband often beat the wife. A social investigation that I conducted years earlier also uncovered many reports of domestic violence, including not only husbands beating their wives but also violence against children and marital rape.

A highly-educated woman who had been beaten many times by her husband said, "He beats me. He is a coward and has nowhere else but me to vent his resentments. He always tells others what a good wife I am. I asked him, 'Have you ever told anyone that you beat me?'" Once, when we met, I could still clearly see that her face was swollen from being beaten.

Some women think that much of their sexual life constitutes marital rape. One of them said, "One year after we got married, I delivered our baby. We argued a lot because of the baby, which affected the love between us. And our sexual life also got worse. Every time, he was like forcing me. I think it was marital rape. For a few years, he often beat me. He wanted to have sex. If I did not want it, he would beat me. My nose even bled because of the beating. I did not know how to stop him, so I stopped having sex with him. No kidding. He really beat me hard for that. And after the beating, he would have sex with me, like, raping me. I felt very insulted. It was like this for six years. My coworkers noticed signs that I was being beaten and asked him why. He said that I did not know how to do housework."

Many people may ask why these abused women go on staying in homes full of violence. The answer is that their confidence has been destroyed by the violence. Studies have shown that being passive and numb are typical traits of abused wives. Women usually experience three periods of abuse. When they are beaten, they feel shocked and try to dodge their abusers; then, they get scared and do everything to cater to their aggressors; and finally, they become frustrated and blame themselves. Once they get used to the beating, they may end up losing their lives because of it. The social impact of wives being beaten by their husbands is not only limited to injury and death. Their children often copy their behaviors. When wives are beaten, their children are also often beaten or sexually abused. When these children grow up, they may continue this kind of abusive behavior or enter into other abusive relationships.

Due to the prevalence of domestic violence, people may think that domestic violence is a common phenomenon in any human society no matter what its social systems or cultural traditions are. In fact, this is not the case. In some societies and cultures, people have no concept of domestic violence. For example, an investigation of 90 small cultures found out that there was no domestic violence in 16 of them. Another example, an investigation of 156 tribal societies done by a feminist anthropologist, showed that 47 percent of them were basically "rape free." This means that at least some societies do not have violence based on gender differences.