By Chen Wen
They look just like any other average young Chinese couple when
you first meet them in New York City. But wait, they are speaking
Japanese so they must be from Japan. In fact, you are told that
both of your guesses are wrong. This young couple belongs to both
countries -- a Chinese wife and a Japanese husband. A union that
was considered unthinkable 50 years ago is no longer a rare form of
international marriage these days.
Dong Wei, now in her mid-20s, was born and raised in northeast
China's Heilongjiang Province. At 19, she was given the chance to
go to Japan for further study following her high school
graduation.
"I had hoped to see the world as much as possible when I was
young," Dong said.
Japan seemed a good choice, she recounted. It would be closer to
her home and cheaper in tuition compared with American and European
universities. It was the turn of the millennium and she was filled
with the hopes and dreams of a beautiful, international life. She
made friends quickly, and one day at a get-together with her new
companions she met Tadashi Hirata.
"When I first met him in 2001, he was exactly like who my 'dream
husband' should be," Dong recalled. Pressed to describe "dream
husband" qualities, she simply said, "You know, everything about
him just fits well."
Hirata, a self-described "typical Japanese guy," felt the sting
of Cupid's arrows as well. Dong was "cute," and the two hit it off
immediately. As the song goes: first comes love, then comes
marriage. Their wedding took place in Japan, a year after they met,
with the blessing of both families. The procedures and paperwork
were not overly complicated, Dong said. She needed proof from a
local government agency in her hometown that she was single, and
the signatures of two guarantors.
A culture clash is what most think of when imagining
cross-national marriages, especially two countries with a painful
history of war. Differences gain more scrutiny than similarities in
upbringing. Dong and Hirata said they too could see the differences
despite their honeymoon haze.
Hirata said he began to notice most the difference in dining
habits. It was simple, little things: the manner of dining, the way
of placing chopsticks, and the use of various dishes.
"These cultural differences were kind of fun, not a conflict,
and both of us have now gotten used to it," Hirata told Beijing
Review. He felt that in his family, the difference between men
and women was much bigger than the differences between Japanese and
Chinese culture.
Dong agreed with her husband on this point. "Marriage is between
a man and a woman, not between one country and another," she
joked.
She also said that though they did run into some differences in
their daily habits, they were "no big deal."
Not letting 'politics' intrude
Sometimes they talked about the painful history between China
and Japan. Both regret the deep-rooted distrust and dislike between
the two countries. If their marriage could be an example, it was
clear that people of the two countries would get along if they knew
each other better.
But that's politics, the couple said. The real issues of life
are daily and mundane, not politics and history lessons. Their life
in Japan settled into a quiet and happy existence with the typical
occasional matrimonial quarrels.
Unlike many other 25-year-old Chinese women who might rush off
for fancy dinners with friends after work, go shopping, travel or
enjoy karaoke on the weekends or holidays, Dong spent much less
time hanging out with friends and more time at home. Perhaps her
life was a little unexciting in her friends' eyes, but she was
happy.
She attended courses at a university, did housework and prepared
food for the family while Hirata went to work. He would leave
around 7:00 in the morning and would return home at 10:00 or 11:00
at night.
Men typically work hard in Japan, Dong said.
"It's considered a good thing in Japan for a man who comes back
home very late at night, because it shows that this man is very
capable," Dong laughed, adding, "That's very different from how it
is viewed in China."
She also pointed out that the Japanese have a different attitude
or view toward life and family than the Chinese. The Japanese may
show much less emotion and affection to their families, but they do
love the families very much.
Dong said she acclimated herself well to Japanese society and
culture. Despite this, it may have come as a surprise even to her
that Hirata found that she had many similarities to a traditional
Japanese bride, unlike many modern young women in Japan.
"In that aspect, she still keeps the traditional personality
which I expected in a wife," Hirata said.
Now living in New York City, where Hirata is expected to
finished a one-year master's degree program in computer science at
New York University, Dong and Hirata said they are spending more
hours together and enjoying richer social lives.
They will return to Japan after Hirata finishes the program, and
after a couple of years there, the future is wide open.
(Beijing Review, reporting from New York,
April 9, 2007)
