I never in wildest imagination thought that my wife would end up engaging in "hand-to-hand combat" with SARS, or severe acute respiratory syndrome, even though sheis a doctor.
On China's mainland, 2,422 SARS cases have so far been reported, including 480 health care workers who have had to help their patients fight against the disease.
Despite the danger, she has devoted herself to doing what she can to help curb the spread of the deadly epidemic.
April 7 was the day that shook our lives. After breakfast, she, as usual, headed for work at People's Hospital in downtown Beijing. In the afternoon, she called me, saying that she had to be placed under quarantine after examining an old lady suspected of being infected with SARS.
I was shocked. The disease suddenly had hit home and I was caught totally unprepared. My heart was aching when I received a message she sent to my handset, reading: "Five nurses in our hospital have caught fever." I knew high fever was an early symptom of the disease.
Another message came the following day, to the effect that her colleagues who didn't have direct contact with suspected or confirmed SARS infections had all been evacuated from their dorms in the hospital.
The toughest moment came on April 11 -- the day her hospital decided to use the medical ward for emergency treatment. The department where she had been working had become a special ward for SARS treatment. Now she had two choices: to apply to work at another department and leave, or to stay and face the danger. She called me for advice.
She would have been justified in leaving. She was not trained to deal with respiratory diseases, anyway. I told her I wanted her to stay away from SARS patients.
She disagreed.
"Do you mean you want me to be a deserter when the battle is raging on?" she said over the phone. "Isn't that shameful?"
"How can you think of losing face at this moment?" I asked. "I don't want to be without you for the rest of my life."
She didn't argue with me. I heard her saying from the other side of the phone: "By the way, the old lady I am caring for has been confirmed to have SARS. And it seems her days are numbered."
"I couldn't stand to leave her right now. Her son is very devoted, and has been with her all the time. He, too, has been infected," she continued.
On hearing the story, I became even more furious.
"Don't beat around the bush. Tell me why you want to stay," I shouted at her on the phone.
I heard her crying. "How can you talk to me this way?" she said and hung up.
With a guilty conscience, I called her and apologized. "I am really sorry, but I just want you to leave," I told her.
Knowing she has always been unbending once she has made a decision, I had to utter these words:
"Whatever you decide to do, I will support you. If you want to stay, it's okay. Moreover, I will feel proud of you because my wife is really brave, a hero."
She laughed, but said that despite the option to leave, staying was her final decision. So, she became one of the five doctors charged with treating SARS patients.
Fortunately, she has so far been free of the SARS virus. We have not seen each other for 17 days. For me, every day has been torture. Yet I had decided not to let her know how much pain I have been in.
Though I have decided to write down my feelings and publish them, I know she could not read when she was under quarantine in her hospital.
In case she does read it, I hope she will understand what I am thinking now: Death cannot be a devil to be feared. What is most important is that we love each other. For that, I know she will fight against the epidemic to the end.
(Xinhua News Agency April 25, 2003)
