When I reached out to shake hands with the woman in the wheelchair, her hand was warm and strong, so were her eyes. If not for her extremely short and thin legs, there was nothing to show that she was paralyzed.
Short and thin though her legs might be, Si Jing, 42, was wearing neatly ironed cream-colored trousers and a pair of stylish black leather shoes.
Equally as neat was her studio in suburban Changping District of Beijing, where she and five volunteers work to help resolve problems in child education.
They are putting together a 10-volume book on family culture as well as giving lectures to parents and students.
Asked how she, without any formal school education herself, is qualified to teach on child education, she smiled, and said with confidence: "I don't teach people what I learn from books or classes. I tell them my own stories, which are richer and more real than any books."
Isolated childhood
Born in Qiqihar, in Northeast China's Heilongjiang Province, she was paralyzed by polio when she was only nine months old.
By the time she was three, her parents had spent all their money seeking treatment for her. When doctors said there was nothing more they could do, her parents had to leave her with a relative, whom Si called "granny," who took care of her.
She then started the long difficult struggle to survive and to maintain her dignity.
The stories she has to tell about her struggle have proved enlightening for parents and students alike, giving them a more positive outlook on life.
In a recent speech made to pupils at the Beijing Huijia Private School, Si used examples from her own experience to answer questions from the young students about such problems as not wanting to study, hating household chores and feeling inferior.
Quite a few students said they study because their parents want them to. Si told them this was wrong, that they should study for their own sake, because knowledge can bring them better lives.
Her own story best illustrates what she wanted to say. Even though Si was illiterate to the age of 17, she published a book, Give Yourself a Hand, in January of this year, and is working on two more.
It never entered her granny's mind that a disabled child needed schooling. What's more, the old lady never let Si know what was in the letters from her parents. When she wrote to the little girl's parents, she always said Si was doing very well.
Wanting to know what her parents wrote in their letters, the 17-year-old girl started to teach herself to recognize Chinese characters. She had no books or teachers. She just sat in bed and stared at the characters on the old newspapers covering the walls of her room.
Whenever there was a visitor, she would beg him or her to read a few words from the newspapers for her.
"I slowly built up my vocabulary, one word at a time. It was very difficult for me," she said. "But I was so eager and happy to learn, because I thought that the more I learned, the more I would understand of what my parents said in their letters."
With such a strong desire to learn, in no more than two months, she managed to memorize most of the characters on the walls of her room. She was thrilled beyond measure when she finished reading her first novel, Song of Youth (Qingchun zhi Ge), written by Yang Mo and published in 1958, about the life of young people fighting for the People's Republic.
"It opened a whole new world for me," she said.
Now she knew what her parents wrote in the letters. They cared about her. It was not at all as granny had told her: "Your parents said it was a big relief to get rid of you."
Both happy and lonely, she started to write characters, and finally managed to mail a letter to her parents, in which she said she wanted to go home.
As soon as her parents got the letter, they came and got her and took her home. Si said, this is how knowledge can change one's life. When she couldn't write, her parents thought she was leading a fairly happy life, because her granny told them she was.
She also told the children: "Everything I can do, you can do better than me, because you are physically stronger."
Si said that apart from studying, manual work can also make a person wiser and more capable.
"If you don't work, you will never know what beautiful things can come out of your own hands. And expressing your love to your parents by doing some housework will make them very happy," Si said.
Si said her heart is filled with happiness when she makes paper-cuts, paints, knits or makes clothes. And she cooks as well.
"I am proud of my own ability to do things and take care of myself with these two healthy arms of mine. I hate depending on others," she says to the children. "If you cannot do as I do, you are the ones who are really disabled."
Returning home
Si said when she went back to her parents in 1979, she met her sisters and brother, and was uncertain about her role in the family. In order not to be a burden, she did almost all the housework when the rest of the family were not at home, either out at work or in school.
She did this because she thought it was the only way she could contribute to the family and express her love, even though it caused her great physical pain.
Students are moved by her lectures and many of them write to her afterwards, talking about their problems, what they think about the things she tells them, and how they are going to change their lifestyles and attitudes in the future.
"Before I met you, I thought life wasn't worth living because nobody loved me. Now, after listening to you, I can face life's challenges more courageously," wrote a sixth-grader.
Si said she is saddened by such letters. "Think about it: she was so young, but already tired of living. What's the problem with today's education?"
For Si herself, life is too precious to give up on. After returning to her family in 1979, despite her pain and suffering, she insisted on supporting herself by painting on egg shells and glass.
In 1989 and again in 1991, she underwent major surgery, getting three steel rods implanted in her spine because it was too weak to support her body.
In 1995, she set up a psychological counseling clinic in Qiqihar after finishing correspondence courses and getting a diploma from the Institute of Psychology with the Chinese Academy of Social Sciences.
Her parents strongly opposed her opening the clinic, because they thought she was neither physically nor academically fit for the job. Besides, the family was better off then, and Si did not need to work for money.
However, they changed their minds when they saw how many people paid visits and called her clinic for help.
In 1996, already a local legend, she was invited by the Heilongjiang provincial government to give lectures on her personal experience in seven cities around the province. Her talks deeply influenced a wide range of audiences - in schools, factories, companies, youth detention centers and jails.
In the following six years, she gave more than 400 lectures in dozens of cities across the entire country. This brought her great fame, and she was selected as one of the "10 Most Outstanding Youths" in Heilongjiang Province in 1999.
New chapter
However, in 2002, she decided to stop giving public lectures. She set up a work studio in Beijing that same year and started a new chapter in her life.
"I can help people one at a time when they come to consult me. I helped large groups of people when I gave public lectures," she said. "But they are too time- and energy-consuming, considering my poor health."
Chen Zanhong, a young man who helped her set up her Si Jing Studio, said that when she gave lectures to audiences, she was very energetic and eloquent, but that when she got back to her hotel, she was out of breath and sweating, and that it usually took her half a day to recover.
So she decided to find a more effective way to help people.
In her studio she focuses on problems related to "family culture." Si said, companies develop a culture, families should also form a culture that ensures healthy growth of children. But few parents realize they can do a lot more than just feeding and dressing their children well and pushing them to study.
Si says that her years of psychological counseling have revealed to her the many agonies and troubles that beset people. However, what strikes her most is that some children go astray because the parents don't understand how to raise them.
She said the trouble with raising children in China at present is that parents pay too much attention to their children's academic achievement. Much less time is spent cultivating their personalities and ability to do everyday chores.
As a result, children are placed under the pressure of high expectations but are not mentally strong enough to bear the pressure.
Recent reports on youth problems prove that her worries are not without basis. In some extreme cases, children kill their parents over trivial disputes.
Although Si is more deeply engaged in her work than ever, she is now in danger, as X-rays show that one of the rods in her back has bent and is moving towards her heart.
"I don't know when it will get to my heart. Every morning when I wake up, I say to myself, I am still alive," she said. "But I am not afraid. I will make every day I live meaningful. The threat of death will only make me quicken the pace of life."
She always knits when she reads. "This is the way I get extra time," she says, smiling like a child.
Although she is now happy and high-spirited, there was a time when she was lonely and moved about the house in her wheelchair nervously and sometimes in tears, according to her sister Si Wei.
"She pushes herself too hard. She always tries to help others, but we as family do not know how to help her," she said.
In Si Jing's own words, she has only two regrets in life. One is that she cannot have a child of her own to "pass on my good genes."
The other regret is that she is unable to pay the five young men who work in her studio. The studio has not started to make money yet.
But the young men say they are happy to volunteer, and there are many more people who volunteer to give a helping hand in the studio.
"What we are doing in the studio helps solve problems in education. The warm responses we get from parents and students make me feel my work is meaningful," said Chen Zanhong.
The 27-year-old man, a graduate of prestigious Peking University, worked in a foreign company before he helped Si. He met her when she was giving a lecture at the university in 2000.
(China Daily July 12, 2004)
