Dink, which means "double income and no kids," has become a new lifestyle for young couples in big cities. DINK families have been growing steadily in number since the 1980s.
There are now at least 600,000 DINK couples in China, mainly in big cities such as Beijing, Shanghai, Tianjin and Guangzhou. In Beijing, about 10% of young married couples say they do not intend to have children.
A recent survey by horizonkey.com found that since 1997, the number of couples in Beijing, Shanghai, Guangzhou and Wuhan choosing to have children has fallen by 11.3%, while people aiming for DINK status increased by 1.1% to 10.51%.
Besides, most DINK couples have higher income. Among couples whose total monthly income was more than 5,000 yuan, 13.7% of them had opted for a DINK family unit. But among couples whose total monthly income was less than 1,500 yuan, the number was just 5.5%.
I want to be free!
Why do more and more couples choose not to have children? Many old people think that it is to have more freedom. They regard this as an irresponsible choice. "I know they have free choice, but if every family does not bear children, the human race would become extinct," said Hou Yuchuan, a retired middle school teacher. "Most adults received love an care from their parents. I think it is rather selfish if they do not then bear children and pay out the same love and care their parents gave them."
However, couples have their own reasons for DINK families.
"I think a child is a little 'destroyer' of the love between a couple," said Zhang, a woman in her twenties, to xinhua.net. "Life for my husband and I is easy and romantic. If we had a child it would spoil everything."
"We enjoy traveling, taking photos, reading books, taking exercise and enjoying all the delicious foods in Beijing, so having a baby is not in our plans," said a couple who have been married for seven years and did not wish to reveal their names. "life is short, we'd like to use all our money and time to enjoy life itself. Obviously, that would be impossible if we had a child."
But not all DINK families have such hedonistic attitudes. Zhou, who lives in Chaoyang and has been married for three years, also believes that a child might ruin his marital harmony, but in a different way.
"My wife and I often overhear our neighbors — a yung couple as well — quarrelling with each other on the issue of how to educate their son. Therefore we worry that if we had a child, the same thing would happen."
Many women worry about the course of gestation and giving birth. "Gestation takes almost ten months. How many 'ten months' does one have in her life? What a waste. Not to mention the care a child needs in the future," said Wu, who gave birth to a child at the end ot year. "I would rather not have had this child, but my husband insisted," she said.
"It must be painful," said Lin Yehua, a university student. "Though medicine has developed greatly, I know women still die durig child birth. Besides, giving birth will damage a woman's figure."
Pressures and competition at work is another factor. Shanshan, a government official who is in her twenties, has been married for four years to a company manager. She said that she loved children very much, but that she and her husband were so busy that they were unable to take the idea into consideration.
"In fact, I love children, and I wish to have one," said Zou, a 32-year-old secretary, "but the competition in our company is intense. If I have a child and leave my position temporarily, someone else is sure to take my place."
Many couples also worry that they cannot afford to have a child. "The cost of educating a child is too high in Beijing," said Guo Jin, a woman in her thirties who has been married for six years. "When I was in college, the tuition used to be cheap — hundreds yuan every year. But now, to send your child to a decent kindergarten takes tens of thousands of yuan, and the key primary or high schools and colleges are even more expensive."
"Besides, books, clothes and toys for children are becoming more and more expensive. If other children have those luxuries but my child does not, I am afraid that he or she would complain about it and develop an inferiority complex. They might even resent us," said Guo, who admits that for these reasons she does not want to have a child.
The difficulties of life, and the troubles all children must face, also scare many couples. "I feel afraid every year when I see college graduates fighting so hard to land a job. In the future, this kind of competition will get more and more tough. I have had enough of all this and I do not want to bring a life into the world just for it to suffer like me," said Yan, who got married last month.
"I would feel distressed if I saw my child having to do everything to suit society," said Zhang, who lives in Wangfujing. "In fact, I love children, and I think I can afford to have one. But I simply do not want to bring one into this world, with its jungle law."
And there are some couples who do not have enough confidence in their marriage. "I do not believe in romantic love and pledges," said Li, 35. "If I divorced my husband, the child would be hurt. We do not have the right to heap our fault on an innocent child.
Troubles and worries
However, the cost of freedom for DINK families is another set of pressures and worries.
Many think that the DINK idea is bad for the stability of a marriage. "I was married for six years, but it all came to nothing in the end," said Wu. I used to think that marriage without a child was free and easy, but I never thought that it would lead my marriage into a tomb."
At the beginning, after getting married, Wu was afraid that having a baby would change her figure and bring a premature end to her sweet married life, so having a child was put to one side. Though her mother-in-law was unhappy about it, Wu's husband indulged her. Wu became pregnant twice but twice the couple decided on an abortion.
Time passed and eventually the couple decided they were ready to have a child. However, the medical examination found that the two abortions had damaged Wu's reproductive system, and there was no hope for a pregnancy. Her husband and her mother-in-law couldn't accept it, and blamed her for her selfishness. The quarrel in the family raged on, and Wu's husband divorced her in the end.
Sun, a chief editor of a newspaper in Beijing, says he believes that the passion between men and women cannot last for long, but that a child can bind a couple together, and the relationship can be saved by the effort of raising a child.
"In real life, many families without love are saved by their children. Though a child cannot guarantee a stable marriage, families without children face more serious tests," he said.
Moreover, understanding and support from a DINK couple's parents is also important.
Zhou, A company manager told xinhua.net his story:
"I have been married for eight years. We have both been devoted to our work and do not want to have a child. Our parents understood that. However, after several years, my parents' feelings changed. Since my business succeeded, they thought it was time for us to have a baby. I agreed with that, because putting more time into a child would be a good thing! But my wife disagreed. And I failed to persuade her. So I asked for a divorce. She relented and agreed to have a child. But she was already 38 — too late to have a child.”
"My parents dreamed of a grandchild all the time but I disappointed them," said Zhao, a man in his thirties. "My father and mother-in-law also complained about it, so home life was sometimes dull. In fact, I understand them." Some scientific reports have shown that women who forgot child birth might be denying themselves significant health benefits. Research has found that giving birth can help women's immnity and reduce the risk of diseases such as breast cancer.
More tolerance
Though they face troubles and social pressure, DINK families are getting more understanding sfrom society these days.
Renowned Renmin University sociologist Li Yinhe believes that the increasing number of DINK families shows there is more room for Chinese people to choose their life.
"People who choose not to have children pay more attention to present happiness. They cherish their relationship with their spouses more than parenthood," said Li.
"Many think that DINK couples are not responsible or kind-hearted, but I do not think so," said Yang Zhonghong, a university professor, to xinhua.net. Everyone has the right to choose their way of life. Others may not agree with their choices, but the right of choice should be respected. A civilized and mature society should tolerate and understand diversification."
(Beijing Today May 25, 2004)
