An ongoing Internet survey jointly conducted by the China
Youth Daily newspaper and QQ.com in September shows that 87.5
percent of the surveyed people think nowadays they have more and
more acquaintances and fewer and fewer true friends, the newspaper
reported on September 25.
Among 15,068 surveyed people, 80 percent admit most of their
friends come from schoolmates instead of colleagues; 81.2 percent
view friends as being reliable; 65.9 percent think a friend in need
is a friend indeed; and 52.4 percent think friends should share
hardships.
Of those surveyed, 45.3 percent say they have no more than five
true friends among their acquaintances; 80 percent say the number
stands at 10 at most. About 30 percent say they have 50-100
acquaintances; about 26 percent say the number exceeds 100.
Among interviews of Beijing university students, a woman named
Nan Nan, freshly returned from her wedding in her south China
hometown, said: "I am planning a party to treat my friends in
Beijing, but I can't simply make a decision whom to invite since I
have so many acquaintances," she said.
Nan Nan said she had saved nearly 500 phone numbers in her
mobile phone, most of whom were colleagues, clients, experts and
schoolmates. "I have lived in Beijing for more than seven years and
associated with various kinds of people, but the number of most
frequently contacted is quite few," she said.
Most people interviewed said that they would like to talk to
someone via phone when feeling unhappy, but they couldn't find an
adequate person to talk to. Hua Sheng, who had graduated from
university for three years, said that most of his social activities
revolved around his classmates. "Colleagues' topics always focus on
work and they are so boring and not friends at all," he said.
Xiao Ai, a company employee, shared Hua Sheng's opinion. "I
can't make a true friend with a colleague, because it will bring
troubles to my work," she said. "In my working place, salaries are
secrets and one can never read the others' minds." To Xiao Ai,
there were too many conflicts of interests between colleagues.
However, some people held different opinions. Xiao Xiao, working
in a magazine agency, co-rents an apartment with two of her
colleagues. "Everyday we go to work and back home together, and
gossip about bosses together. It's fun," she said. "Colleagues can
be as friendly as schoolmates. They may become true friends if
treated with sincerity."
Among the surveyed people, 64.8 percent put the blame for fewer
friends on the mobility of society; 58.9 percent on heavier work
and social pressures; and 24.4 percent on the prevailing way of
Internet contact.
A news agency worker, Xiao Chen described herself as "a girl
shut behind closed doors" though she looked extroverted, frank and
cheerful. Her "living principles" are to make use of Internet chat
tools "QQ" and "MSN" to the full; to send short messages instead of
making phone calls; and to make phone calls instead of having face
to face talks. "In this way, I can raise my social contact
efficiency and don't have to pretend to be well versed in the way
of the world," she said.
Like Xiao Chen, Xiao Wang is a faithful follower of modern
communication tools, too. Though he graduated from university four
years ago, he still had few friends in Beijing with his only
activity taking place in Internet cafes.
Overall, the longer since graduates had left university, the
lonelier they felt and the fewer friends they had, said the
survey.
Jiang Lin who graduated in 1998 said that her classmates used to
hold lots of parties, but "there is few now." "We seldom contact
each other now and the way to contact is to chat on the Internet
occasionally," she said, adding "everybody is busy with his or her
own lives and doesn't want to disturb others."
Wang Jian, working in a foreign-funded enterprise, said that he
often worked in shifts and the only thing he wanted to do after
work was to sleep. "Young people like me who haven't established
ourselves in society yet even have no time to be in love, much less
to attend social activities," he said.
Some sociologists say that the fast-paced urban lifestyle and
the development of the Internet have changed the Chinese
interpersonal relationship linked by ties of blood and geography,
the newspaper said. They have also changed the family-based Chinese
social structure. People float freely nowadays and it makes
interpersonal relationship become complicated and uncertain, and
thus influence people's social life. "That's the main reason that
urban people feel they have fewer true friends now," experts
said.
Zhang Zhiyuan, a chief executive officer of an IT company,
enjoys a single and moderately well-off life. To him, friends are
resources and wealth. "I 'save friends' as saving money," he said.
"I keep contact with both new friends and old friends. We have
parties at weekends. All acquaintances can be developed into good
friends if you have a mind to," said Zhang.
Zhang suggested that the people who complained they had few
friends examine their own words and deeds. "You should trust and
care about others before you make others trust and care about you.
What are friends? Friends are mutual and willing to pay instead of
being paid only," Zhang said.
(China.org.cn by Li Jingrong, October 1, 2006)