As the annual college entrance examination "hell" approaches
(June 7 - 10), it is not only the high school candidates who suffer
through pre-exam purgatory. Their parents, who feel obligated to
make every sacrifice to help their children, are subject to
enormous stress as well. And sometimes both parents and children
can fall prey to Parental Stress Syndrome.
Ms. Zhang, whose daughter is preparing to take the college
entrance examination, has a home at Yuquan Road. But her daughter
goes to school near Beijing's Qianmen area, about an hour's commute
from the house. With two hours on the road every day, plus meals
and sleeping, she has little time left to study.
"Now the teachers are telling the students to spend all their
time reviewing, and her father plans to hire a tutor to help her.
Time is precious for her at the moment," says Zhang.
She and her husband decided to move to a place closer to their
daughter's school. But the rent for the new apartment is 2,500 yuan
a month -- Zhang's entire monthly income -- and the parents have to
spend more time commuting to work even though their daughter spends
less. Still, they believe their daughter's future depends on this
sacrifice.
Many students lose weight under the strain of preparing for
exams, but Shang's daughter has gained ten kilograms. "My child is
using up her mental and physical energy; so I have to keep her
strength up," says Shang, who works at an IT enterprise at
Beijing's Haidian District.
In addition to a normal breakfast, she sends her daughter to
school with a morning snack of two eggs and a container of milk.
She cooks the girl's favorite foods for every meal, and has added
various nutritional supplements and health tonics to her daily diet
since she started her third year of high school. "I can't do
anything else to help her study. All I can do is feeding her well.
I have no idea whether the tonics do any good, but I think at least
they are harmless. All the other parents do this, and we have to
conform. I force her to drink the tonics. I think this is our
responsibility as parents."
"Since my son entered the third year of senior high, I haven't
watched TV," says Ms. Wang. Their house is small, and Wang and her
husband believe that maintaining a quiet environment for their son
is essential. They tiptoe around and speak in whispers when their
son is studying at home. Wang has told all her friends and
colleagues not to phone her at home; even important things must
wait until the next day. She and her husband talk less and less
these days, and sometimes they just use notes to transfer
information.
"We have almost no recreation at all for the sake of my son. But
we can bear all this if our son can do better on the exam."
"There is a book that says students are under great pressure
facing the imminent college entrance exams, so I took my son to see
a psychoanalyst a few days ago. We shouldn't be concerned only
about nutrition, but also about his mental and emotional
condition." Mr. Zhang says. As the boy is preparing for college, he
feels that naturally he should devote himself wholeheartedly to his
son. Caring for every detail of the boy's life is his key task,
from diet to clothes, from physical to mental.
"My son used to like say hello and chat with us, but now he
speaks little," says Zhang. "Often he becomes impatient when we ask
about his studies, or sometimes he ignores us and slips into his
room. His teacher told me that many students have resentful
feelings toward teachers and parents because of the pressure."
Zhang heard a story about a high school student who developed
severe depression because of the extreme pressure he felt before
the college entrance exams. Depression plagued him through the
entire first semester of university. This has made Zhang worry
about his son, so he has sought advice from some mental health
clinics.
Students aren't the only ones who may end up sick from the
pressure. Parents can fall prey to emotional or physical
stress-related illnesses as well.
In the past two years, Ms. Wang has had a number of days off
from work owing to health problems. She wants to use the time to
supervise her son's studies. But during the weeklong May Day
holiday, her son defied her and spent half a day out having fun.
Wang was so upset at his disobedience that she found herself unable
to eat or sleep. Her chest felt constricted and her heart began
palpitating. The doctor said that her heart problems have no
physical cause: the dysfunction stems from excessive tension and
anxiety.
Mr. Zhao's once-obedient daughter recently become a
rule-breaker, seeking every excuse to watch TV, play on the
computer or do anything except study. As he thought about the
upcoming college entrance exams, Zhao's worry turned to anger, and
then turned into a heart attack.
Yu is a student at Beijing's No. 119 High School. He complains,
"Every day I have to listen to my parents' lectures, stay up until
midnight under their watchful eyes. The meals are really good, but
I can't take my parents' lectures every day. I don't know what I
will do if I fail. I will be totally humiliated if I can't satisfy
them by getting into college."
In the past few years, parents have begun demanding a quieter
environment during the exam period. Some have even called for
special air and bus traffic controls. Others guard the perimeters
of the examination rooms, ensuring that noise is kept to a
minimum.
But this sort of excessive worrying from the parents just adds
more pressure to their children. Some experts say that third-year
high school students are emotionally mature enough to face some of
the necessary pressures of life.
Nevertheless, the pre-exam period is nerve-wracking for them.
They can become easily irritated, and any little emotional attack
may cause them to blow up. Difficulty in some area of study or a
bad result on a simulated exam can depress them. The parents should
talk with their children and find ways to help them ease the
tension, rather than adding more. Excessive care and attention may
do more harm than good, and should be tempered with a modicum of
benign neglect.?
(China.org.cn by Li Liangdu, June 3, 2004)