There is an old Chinese saying that defines the limit of parenting:
"One depends on parents while at home, and on friends after leaving
home."
The photo shows that a newly-enrolled student prepares to settle
into campus with her parents' help. Some parents in China are
determined to defy this age-old tradition. When they are supposed
to see their children off at the airport or railway station, they
go all the way to the school and - gasp - stay there with the kids,
often in rented rooms nearby.
A young man was recently escorted by his mom from Beijing to
Shanghai, where he would attend college. Mom had bought him a
notebook computer, a Nokia mobile phone, a Casio watch, a digital
translator, a suit and a pair of expensive sneakers. What's more,
she rented a two-bedroom apartment near the school.
If most parents cannot spend such a huge amount of money, they
can certainly spend this kind of attention on their newly
independent children. There are so many parents - usually one of
the two parents, who string along with the kids that they have been
jokingly called "the army of the accompanying family". The
existence of such an army in Bagoucun in Beijing's Haidian District
has made the village known as "village of accompanying
parents".
The mother in the above example offered her explanation. Her son
had always been a straight-A student, but in junior high he got
hooked on computer games in dingy Internet cafes. After that, she
has maintained her "surveillance program to keep him from getting
on the wrong track".
Yet mama's boy was not grateful for all the doting love. "I feel
so humiliated to have my mom tagging along wherever I go. I know my
parents love me and I owe them so much. That's why I dare not say
no to them," said the son.
Experts say it is a very unhealthy thing to have a parent as a
chaperon when the kid is already a grown-up and desperately needs
independence, and especially needs a chance to learn the skills of
socializing. The reason they cannot do housework is because they
are never given the opportunity in the first place, many argue.
Kids, when unsupervised, may be led astray by bad influences.
But it's a chance the parents have to take. When the kid feels that
parental love has become a long shadow that they cannot shake off,
it may have a long-term psychological effect on them. They'll be so
focused on their small area of expertise that, when confronted with
the real world, they will have no knowledge of maneuvering.
However, some people still look at the issue from the bright
side. Qiu Zeqi, a professor of sociology at Peking University,
feels that it is first of all a good thing. It shows Chinese
parents place the utmost importance on education, he said. Many of
these parents lost their opportunity for education due to external
factors, so they see their kids as surrogates who will make up
their lost time.
When so many parents live in the vicinity of a school, "it's got
to be good for the local economy", said Professor Qiu.
That is money the kids wish they would spend all by
themselves.
(China Daily September 14, 2003)
