Is crying good therapy? Experts say yes. Having a good weep at the weekend is becoming more and more popular among office workers in China.
Guo Meng's story
"I need to cry to let my feelings out", said 23-year-old Guo Meng, a smart-looking young woman who works in marketing for a department store at Beijing's Zhongguancun.
"I negotiate advertising deals and am constantly on the phone to clients," said Guo Meng. "We make regular visits to customers to build up good relations, and the department store checks the results to evaluate my performance." But getting customers' trust is not always easy. "I get depressed if I put in a lot of effort and get no results."
"I remember one day when I got home I felt so down but had no-one to talk to about it so I just curled up with my teddy bear and cried myself to sleep," Guo said. The next day, she said, she felt much better and life seemed not so bad after all.
Because crying is taken as a sign of weakness, people make a great show of being strong and not displaying emotion. But Guo Meng advises people not to hold back their tears. "Crying really relieves the pressure. You feel relaxed after a good cry."
Wang Sha's story
Wang Sha works for an online games company, but the work isn't as much fun as playing the games.
"What gets to me most is when I think I’ve created a perfect game, but then my boss tests it and finds a stupid mistake," said Wang Sha.
He feels under pressure every time he is given a new project. He listens to mellow music on his earphones to prevent the tension building up but he also admits to liking a good cry.
"I often cry when I watch a film. If it has a simple, moving story I just burst into tears," said Wang Sha. "I find crying is a good way to relax, even if it’s not very manly."
Law of conservation of emotion
Guo Meng says the law of conservation of energy applies to emotions as well. "Repression leads to emotional imbalance, and that makes you cranky. Crying restores your emotional equilibrium," she said.
Office workers like Guo Meng and Wang Sha have formed a special therapy group that encourages its members to express their emotions. They call it the "cry group".
Psychologist Milulu says urban professionals who keep up a show of toughness are hiding their softer, sentimental sides and this applies especially to men, and women in senior positions.
People restrain their emotions for fear that crying in public may damage their careers. But the same people may tearfully cuddle their dolls at midnight or sneak off to a quiet place for a weep. Psychologists and medical practitioners agree that crying is beneficial for mental health but people still regard it as a sign of failure and bottle up their feelings.
Let the sadness go after the tears dry
A famous Chinese author once said to cry is normal, and even brave. Those who display their emotions can deal with their troubles bravely after the tears dry while those who "soldier on" let problems fester.
The "Cry Bar" in the Chaoyang district of Beijing is a kind of Karaoke bar for people who want to release their emotions. On the doors of each of its "cry rooms" is a saying encouraging people let the tears flow freely.
The Cry Bar encourages its customers to look for happiness despite their loneliness, to mix laughter with tears, and let singing bring a smile to their faces. The "Cry group" say they feel better after a session here.
"Crying is a kind of therapy, but it needs some direction," said Milulu. "People should realize the point of crying is to release pressure, but some of the young people who come here simply sit and weep. The purpose of crying is to make it easier to improve your life after the tears dry, not to wallow in bad memories."
Crying is only one way of relieving pressure, and we need to face problems squarely and solve them once the tears have dried, said Milulu.
(China.org.cn by Wu Huanshu May 6, 2009)